we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
