Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
