she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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