I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
