I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
