dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
