is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Semen is not good for contacts.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
