I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
