My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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