Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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