You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
