she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
