Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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