the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
