thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
barbara walters just said penis...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
