I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
