yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You took a bar mat shot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
