we have pet lesbian snakes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
