I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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