my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
