literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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