Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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