his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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