I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
