I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
