Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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