you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
