piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
