Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
