I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
