well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
