I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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