yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
