obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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