Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
