Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
