my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
