I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
