Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
