We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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