Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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