At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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