If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
