OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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