And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
