Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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