the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
