My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
