Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
