Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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