please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
